sex in india

That other day when we got into the basement parking at our apartment complex and headed towards the lifts with my driver carrying some extra stuff in his hands that required lugging to our flat a few floors above; my eyes fell on three teenagers.

A boy and two girls.

I knew them slightly. The boy and one of the girls studied in class X at a nearby school. The other girl looked to be of the same age group as the other two.

As I passed them, one of the girls wished me and I responded back.

When we were inside the lift, our driver – quite chatty with me – said, “Sir, if you had seen these three in the basement yesterday doing what they were doing, you would not have been able to watch !”

I was mildly interested.

“What were they doing?” I asked him.

“I saw these three, sir, standing off to one side in the basement. One of the girls was keeping guard. And I just can’t tell you what the other girl and the boy were doing!”

Coitus flagrante – in a shady corner of the basement – looked to be too difficult for the boy and the girl in question given  that some degree of movement of persons was invariably there in the basement as a large number of vehicles found their parking there. So at best, the boy and the girl must have been kissing, touching and doing related things.

Idly, I wondered whether the kids could not have found a better place for themselves; for they were bound to be talked about unduly if witnessed by others.

The small conversation took my mind back a few years. At that time the Delhi Public School MMS thing was much in the news and I remembered a young girl – just out of school – remarking that there was no big deal to what the girl in the clip was doing, except that the girl had been stupid by getting filmed doing it.

The times surely are changing.

The young generation does seem to be more open-minded and guilt free on matters of sex. A welcome development, I would say. When we were teenagers, topics and matters of sex were so guilt-ridden and so roundly foreclosed that it was sheer torture as one’s sexuality progressed biologically!

Given these changes as evidently taking place, sex education – and related practical advice – becomes all the more important to have the younger generation avoid coming to harm. If this education is not provided in the schools as it should be; then I think it’s a must for us parents to undertake it.

What about our generation? The ones who are say 35 years and above.

About a month back, I joined a closed group on whatsApp of our school batch. Now, our age group of this school batch is heading towards 50s, though most of us would still be below 50. Now in a closed group of classmates; freedom of speech & expression tends to flow without inhibition between langotiya yaars !

And, obviously, going by the nature of exchanges and postings as also what can be seen in other similar closed social media groups; sex is heavy – quite heavy – on the mind of the Indian male of even somewhat advanced years!

Which brings us to certain probing questions.

Where is the ventilation then for the somewhat older Indian male for his still strong libido. A libido that looks strong enough to seek potential expressions beyond the marital confines !

Well, seeking expression of libido beyond the marital confines for the older Indian male – as with such males elsewhere – has strong risks. Some seem to be inclined towards taking the risk; some not.

But the libido of the older Indian male is definitely undoubtedly still strong. This brings to mind the requirement for giving the sex workers a legal status. Undoubtedly, there is a strong demand for sex workers in India and the number of sex workers is huge. Giving the sex workers a legal status with related regulatory framework would enable the matters of hygiene and welfare of sex workers to be looked at more closely, enabling more to be done on the same.

And what about the older Indian woman?

I remember once someone telling me about some working women planning to call a professional striptease guy – I didn’t know they existed here – and the guy responding on email as to the number of ladies that would be present.

“Sixteen”, wrote back the lady organising the event.

“Am I required to DO all the sixteen ?” The striptease professional wrote back.

“Heck, No ! No DOING to be done, just a full show of what you are supposed to be good at !” The organising lady reportedly wrote back.

In any case even the somewhat older Indian woman tends to reflect changes; being, at least, more prone to interacting with males as compared to earlier times.

No one would doubt that sex is a biological requirement. A strong biological requirement. The married life however has to balance it with other equally, IF NOT MORE, strong biological and social requirements such as the need for love, affection, mental comfort and solace that comes with the peaceful domestic and family life. A balance that some are able to manage, while others it seems are not!

But no doubt that sex – in noticeable segments & sections of Indian society – is receiving more rational treatment than what it was, say, 30-40 years back !




This is something I have been meaning to write for some time now.

How to begin?

Religion can mean different things to different persons. For some, it may be the means to seek succour or solace when under trauma, distress or suffering. For others, it may be means to seek guidance in shaping one’s mindset. For others, it may be means to seek identity. And for some others, it may yet be means to seek some understanding of relentless questions that come up in the course of life.

For instance, one question that is intractable and tends to bring on a headache if the mind lingers on it; – is of course, the question, “Who created the universe? And if some God created it, then who created that God and so forth and so on?”

Related questions that can arise are, “At what point of time did the universe come into being? And what was before that; and till what boundaries shall the universe grow and what is beyond those boundaries?”

Theoretical physics is grappling with these issues. Theories are there, but the answers do not satisfy the questions.

Shankaracharya, who apparently derived much from earlier thinkers going under the nomenclature of Hinduism, recounted therefore the answer that the universe was a NULLITY. The universe was nothing, and all that we witness is simply MAYA.

Adi Shankeracharya

The first part of Shankaracharya’s answer that the universe was “nothingness”, a “nullity” looked to be satisfactory. A nullity has nothing to it, so the question of its “creation” doesn’t arise.

Similarly, if the universe was just a nullity or nothingness; the question of its boundaries, or what lay beyond or before the boundaries again did not arise.

So some of the “headache” questions at least were answered by saying that the universe was nothingness or nullity.

But this “Maya” thing, voiced by Shankaracharya & other Hindu thinkers, was more difficult to handle.

The living, solid, concrete, explosive and, sometimes, absolutely stunning things all around don’t exactly look to be “Maya” ! They don’t look to be illusions or delusions, which is what “Maya” means.

But still there is help there. Nullity or zero it seems comes into being only when the summation of certain things amount to zero. For instance, it is +2 and -2; which when summed together give rise to 0.

So proceeding on the basis that the universe is a nullity; it would appear that this nullity – in order to be a nullity – requires permutation, combination of any variety of things which, when summed up together, produce a zero or nullity. And this permutation and combination of any variety of things – that when summed up together amount to zero – is what it would appear Shankaracharya, relying on earlier thinkers within the fold of Hindu thought – was referring to as Maya or illusion.

Hindu thought, therefore, at its core has grappled with questions involving the human mind for ages with a manner of thinking which is based on objectivity, but enables grasp and understanding of multiple subjectivity.  Such manner of thought process extending over thousands of years is the hallmark of Hindu thought. It attempted to explain things in a manner possible to be comprehended by any persevering soul.

Proceeding from the two kernels that the universe is a nullity, a nothingness and that this nothingness – in order to be a nothingness – is a summation of immense permutations and combinations that together yield zero or nullity; then had interesting implications.

Nullity was identified with the universe, which would be the central principle and was often equated with Shiva. Shiva is therefore the universe, the nullity, the nothingness which – in order to be so – holds and requires any varieties of permutations combinations that together yield the summation of nullity or nothingness; but which mutation and combinations is what we witness in our lives.

Shiva would therefore be in just about everything that a human is likely to undergo or witness in his or her life. And the principle of nullity would reinforce permutations, combinations of positive constructiveness given that positive constructiveness is much more difficult to achieve as compared to negativity or destructiveness; but is required otherwise to balance the negativity or destructiveness in order ultimately to have the ultimate summation as nullity or zero.

This matter of reinforcement of positive constructiveness is what is Shiva then in its activated form which would not be incorrect to go by the common description of Shiva as “Satyam, Shivam, Sundaram”; – the  meaning of which is   “Truth and Beauty is God”.

This truth and beauty then can exist in innumerable forms and wherever worshipped so, would be worship of Shiva. So if one looks to any aspect, say even a tree or a vehicle as an embodiment of positive constructiveness or beauty or positive productivity; it would be Shiva worshipped in such form.

worship of tree

That’s why if you lovingly take care of your car, it seems almost to respond like a living thing and may even save your life where otherwise, normally, such saving in such accident would not have been possible.

So wherever there is truth and beauty, or an effort to see or find truth and beauty; that is the best of Shiva, – for positivity is favoured by the principle of nullity; given that positivity is much more difficult to come by as compared to negativity, but is required to balance negativity in order to have the ultimate summation as nullity.

But since Shiva, the universe, the nullity is in everything, as laid down in simpler terms in Gita; – Hinduism in its core thought offers an understanding of the evil that we witness and renders the process of dealing with it more liveable.

The core Hindu thought, therefore, had weight for an adequate dealing with and living of the day-to-day life. This weight was recognised by any scholar – whether from the subcontinent or beyond – who attempted at length and with sincerity to study and understand core Hindu thought.

Because of this weight or worth of core Hindu thought, the roots of Hindu thought are deep and strong. But then, as a natural expected fallout; the command & influence that the strength and weight of Hinduism at its core germinated was exploited by vested interests of the relatively powerful sections of society in the subcontinent who laid down various rules/rituals, trappings and paraphernalia by which they sought to corner and dominate the society’s resources to their betterment and to others’ detriment; and thus the inception & consolidation of the caste system, the gender twists, the closing of minds to foreign thoughts, influences and similar like that have continued till the present day.

But wherever there is truth or beauty or attempts to seek or find the same; that is Shiva at its best to be worshipped in all those forms and thus the Hindu thought, as it truly is, has nothing to do with divisions based on race, caste, region or nation or any other such division; but is a unified whole in its pursuit of truth and beauty, wherever and in whatever form and to whatever extent they may exist or be a part of anything or something else.